What I Like About Me

Here's the thing: I've kind of been struggling lately.

It's not easy to admit; it's pretty embarrassing, actually. But we all have things we struggle with, right? Somebody say "right." Right.

Well, right now, I'm struggling with my confidence. In kind of a bad way. No, not in a "depressed" way. I'm not in therapy or anything (not that that's a bad thing; I'm just saying I'm not at that point). But it is affecting my happiness. On a daily basis. It's also morphing into other issues - issues about loving and trusting others. How can I love others when I'm constantly comparing myself to them and being jealous of their lives, talents, personalities, etc.? And how can I trust others when I think that they must be always looking down on me (because I deserve it) and are therefore never acting out of friendship or love? It's been something of a slippery slope, and I could see it getting much worse without some action. 

So I'm taking some action. I'm reading a book on the subject; I'm constantly reminding myself that I am in charge of my happiness; I'm recognizing and documenting small victories and things I "do right" every day; I'm trying to recognize that when things don't go perfectly, it's not necessarily because of something I did wrong. And I'm trying to be aware of my strengths, which is where this post comes in.

Here's what I figure: it's one thing to say to myself, "I guess I'm not so bad at (blank)." It's quite another to proclaim what I like about myself to the world. Somehow, it makes it seem more like I actually feel this way, like I'm confident enough to not only recognize my strengths, but to tell you about them. It makes my confidence seem real. And, well... I really need it to be real.

So, in an effort to realize (understand) -- and realize (make real) -- my confidence, here's a little list of some things I like about myself.

In no particular order:

-I'm a good listener. Dallin often says I missed my calling as a therapist, and he might be right. I enjoy listening to people - letting them express themselves, learning about them, and, if possible, helping them out just a little bit. I think my listening skills have actually helped me learn a lot about people in general, which has made me more empathetic, which I hear is a good thing.

-I'm patient. Not Job-esque or anything, but I'm generally pretty patient, with people and situations.

-I'm smart. Or maybe well-educated. Or does realizing that those are two different things make me smart, so I should stick with that? Hm. Anyway, I like to learn, and I like to think. Result: I don't think I'm an idiot. Unless, you know, chemistry is involved.

-I'm good with money. I don't think I'm a cheapskate, but if something is a want, rather than a need, I have to want it really, really badly to justify actually buying it. I think I'm smart and realistic with our money; I don't hoard it, but I'd say I'm definitely more frugal than frivolous. I think I have a good balance, and I like it.

-My weight. Am I allowed to say this? It seems very taboo nowadays to actually like how much you weigh. I hope it doesn't rub anyone the wrong way, but if I had to choose one thing I liked about my physical appearance (and I kinda feel like I do for the purposes of this post), it would probably be my weight. Not my body - there are plenty of things I don't like about that. But I'm at a healthy weight and I feel good about that.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Well, there they are. A few things I like about myself. I realize that I'm by no means perfect at these things, but I think they are characteristics that I have that can help me become a better, more confident person. And I also think that recognizing them is a good start.

Thanks for hearing me out, friends. This was actually a really difficult post to write and I'm just a little bit proud of myself for actually writing it. And you know what? Being a little bit proud of myself feels good.

(a picture of me being proud)

I'd love to hear the things that you guys like about yourselves. Write them down, why don't ya? Forget about your weaknesses for a moment, and just show yourself some love. Deal? Deal.

Eight months

Well, hi.

Charly would like me to make it very clear to you that she was suffering from an awful, teething-inspired runny nose during her 8 month old photo shoot.






So I guess you'll get another one of these in 2 weeks...lucky you.

Also, I'm seriously entertaining the idea of actually writing a post one of these days. I won't make any promises, but gosh, wouldn't it be awesome?

35 Things Update: March 2012

Holy macaroni, it's APRIL?

I kept up with my recurring goals in March. I also:

5. Put up a picture of the temple in every room of our home. Okay, so not EVERY room. Specifically, not the bathrooms. But our bedrooms now all have pictures of our beautiful Mesa temple, and we already had some in the family room and one in the kitchen. Groovy.

10. Organize memory boxes. Ha. This was a fun one. Let's just say I kept a lot of old notes from high school. Let's also say that I inspired quite a bit of poetry in my high school days. Now let's say "Bahahaha!" So I now have all my memories condensed (hint: a large chunk of it, including all of the poetry, went in the trash) and stored away for my kids to laugh at later.

12. Create a cleaning calendar. I only did this two days ago, so I haven't really had a chance to implement it yet, but I'm really excited to use it! I basically made a long list of all the chores that need to be done on a regular basis around here, and then tried to divide them equally throughout the week. I think just 20-30 minutes a day will keep me on top of my house cleaning. Hooray!

13. Clean master closet. This actually ended up being quite the overhaul. I PATCHED DRYWALL, PEOPLE. No, seriously. There were three holes in the drywall in our master closet that have been there since we moved in, and we've just kind of ignored them because, hello, they're in our closet so who the heck cares? But I decided I care so I patched them, then painted the whole thing, stored away all the cold weather clothing, sorted through my clothes and pulled out stuff I don't wear anymore, etc. I'm SO happy with how the whole thing turned out. I also might be just a little bit proud that I PATCHED DRYWALL, PEOPLE, even if the overall result is probably a 6/10 at best.

30. Read 32 books. Gosh dang it, I'm a little behind. One book this month:

True Colors by Kristin Hannah, which I hereby and forthwith give 2 stars. If I were you, I probably wouldn't bother reading it.

I would have read more this month, but the book I had planned to read next was a nonfiction book that I'm having a really hard time getting into. I've since started something else and, let's be honest, I probably won't finish that nonfiction one.

All righty, thanks for putting up with my little update. I know it's kind of boring and such but it really helps me stay on track. Those of you that made "to do" lists for the year, how is it going? If you're behind, no time like the present to revise and restart! Ta ta.

A game of hot and cold

Current story of my life:

I'm at home. I get hot.

I go check the thermostat.

"Happy 83 degrees!" it says.

And I'm like, "Psh," and I turn the a/c on and set it to 75.

Fast forward a few hours, maybe a day, maybe two:

I'm at home. I get cold.

I go check the thermostat.

"Happy 68 degrees!" it says.

And I'm like, "Psh," and I turn the heater on and set it to 75.

Repeat.

Now, I know it's staying set to 75, because it tells me when I look at it ( set temp and actual temp) but it just keeps getting hotter or colder than that naturally.

I thought March would bring an end to this foolishness, since by March we're usually on the steady climb towards the surface of the sun, and I can just leave the a/c on and let it blow cool air on me and suck up all my money. But then today decided it was going to be wet and freezing and very un-Arizona-in-March-ish. So, in the name of not letting my children freeze (since they are weirdos and don't like being covered with blankets when they sleep), I just turned my heater on. Again.

And now that "just turned on the heater" smell can lull me to sleep. Blegh.

Seven months

I know I'm biased and everything...but this baby is gorgeous. 

AND she's a good sleeper. 

AND I would love her to pieces even if she wasn't a good sleeper. 

BUT it helps. 

WordCamp

Remember how I mentioned that Dallin was in charge of organizing a huge web developer conference in Chandler last weekend?



Well, I guess I just wanted to take a minute to tell you about it...which probably will involve a tiny bit of bragging about my amazing husband.

If you aren't familiar with WordPress, it is basically a web software that can be used and customized to make websites and blogs. You'd probably be surprised at how many websites use WordPress. It's a really big deal.

WordCamps are events that focus on helping people learn how to use WordPress, or how to use it more effectively. Again - a really big deal. They are held annually all around the world, but one of the largest (if not THE largest) is in Phoenix. You can basically plan on having 500+ attendees. And my husband was in charge of organizing it this year.

The things I can think of off the top of my head that he had to do:

-raise a whole lot of sponsor money
-build and maintain a website for the camp
-find and recruit talented speakers (enough for 3 days worth of classes)
-secure locations for the classes and parties
-design and produce t-shirts, sweatshirts, name badges, and a whole lot of signage for the event
-develop and lead a marketing campaign to get the word out so people would actually come
-recruit volunteers to help out with day-of registration and presentation set-up/take-down
-negotiate a deal with a local hotel to give out-of-towners an attractive option
-organize at least 3 big social events
-find reliable people to help with all of this, and manage them as needed

He would probably laugh at all of the things that list doesn't cover, but let's just say he was working on this camp for 4 months, and the past month or so has basically been dedicated to it. This has meant a lot of late nights and packed days, since he had to do all of this on top of running his company. It was also all purely volunteer work, so he didn't get paid for any of it.

Anyway, the whole thing turned out SO well. Not that there weren't any hitches...because there definitely were. But Dallin seriously did such a good job at making the whole event really amazing. I never cease to be in awe of that man of mine.

So, I guess I just wanted to publicly say how proud I am of you, Dallin. You pulled it off...and you looked good while you did it. #stud.

35 Things 2012: February Update

Happy March! No, seriously, HAPPY MARCH. Not only did February bring 29 fizz-free days, it also brought a whole lotta stress in the form of a huge conference that Dallin has been organizing for the past 4 months. Crazy times.

So, I kept up with my recurring things this month (Ensign, clutter desk, 4 blog posts), and got a few other things done, too. Check it:

11. Clean out junk drawers in kitchen. Huge transformation, here. I didn't get any before pictures, but now...



They are SO much better. I'm particularly proud of my use of baby food containers to hold little tiny things.

26. Don't drink soda for one month. You'd better believe it. I didn't get the headache I got last year, but there were definitely major cravings happening. 

30. Read 32 books. I read 2 this month:

My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok. So good. 4.5 stars. Minus half a star for being just a little too "artsy" at times.

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind by William Kamkwamba. Also very good. A little slow moving, but very emotionally charged and inspirational. 4 stars.


33. Color my hair. Yep, totally did this. I was thinking all along that I was going to go darker, but the girl doing it for me talked me into getting a mix of highlights and lowlights that ultimately makes my hair look lighter. I just tried to get a decent picture of it and honestly couldn't do it, so you'll have to wait on that.

And there you have it!