A Day in the Life

Hello and welcome to Bank of America! My name is Katie and I'd be happy to help you right away. How are you today?

(........)

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

(........)

Yes, I'm sure the line at the bank didn't help. But hopefully, I can! So what can I do for you today?

(........)

There is nothing I'd like more than to help you withdraw money out of your account! Do you have a debit card with you?

(................................)

Oh. Well I didn't realize debit cards were so dangerous. I'll be sure to shred mine when I get home and advise everyone I know to do the same. But sir, I still need a way to pull up your profile on my system. Do you know your account number, or do you have a checkbook with you?

(..)

What is your social security number?

(...........?..........!)

Well would you mind writing it down? I can shred it for you as soon as we are done.

(.......!......!)

All right. But I do hope you know that once we do pull up your profile, your social security number will be available to me, so I will be able to write it down, take it home, find a way to use it to my advantage and steal your identity, and get fired. Until then, I can search for your profile by name. What is your name, sir?

(........)

Ok. As long as there aren't any other John Smiths with Bank of America accounts in Arizona, we should be able to find you without any trouble. (after a minute) Oh, it seems there are several people with your name, Mr. Smith. What is your address?

(.......)

All right. Give me a moment to search through the list, and we'll find you.

(3 minutes later)

I think I've found you, Mr. Smith. Could you tell me your date of birth, just to make sure?

(........)

Ok, I have your profile! It seems you have 2 checking accounts and 2 savings accounts. Which account would you like to pull money out of?

(........)

Oh, you don't know? Well, how about I just make a guess then so the next time you come in you can complain about how the teller took the money out of the wrong account. Ok, sir?

(..)

Ok. How much cash do you need?

(........)

All right, 200 dollars. Do you have a form of identification I can see?

(!........!........!........!)

I understand that you've been banking with us for 20 years, Mr. Smith, but I've only worked here for 3 months. So you see, I don't really know anyone. Don't you have a driver's license or something I can see?

(.................................................................................)

(.........................................)

(....................)

Thank you. How would you like your cash?

(.....)

(chuckle chuckle) Oh yes- green! Haha that's very funny. Yes. Wish I hadn't heard it six times already today.

(.....?)

Oh nothing, Mr. Smith. Nothing at all. So if you don't care how you're getting your cash back, I'll just give you hundreds, ok?

(..)

Ok. Here you go- one, two.

(.......?)

Sure, I can break one of those hundreds into 20s for you. 20, 40, 60, 80, 100.

(.......?)

Sure, I can break one of those twenties into 5s for you. 5, 10, 15, 20.

(........?)

Sure, I can break your other hundred into twenties for you. 20, 40, 60, 80, 100. Could you please tell me why you didn't tell me this in the first place?

(..)

All right, I guess you don't have to.

(.......?)

Of course I can let you know your balance! You have $365 in your account. Have you ever thought about getting signed up for online banking? That would let you check your balance from home!

(........!)

Yes, sir. You go to heck too, sir. Thank you for banking with us, sir! Have a nice day, sir.

end scene

It's really not so bad once you get used to it.