Does anyone else ever look at their offspring and become completely overwhelmed by the sheer adorableness of said offspring?
Or is it just me?
I swear, my heart bursts at least 12 times a day.
I swear, my heart bursts at least 12 times a day.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
First trip to the grocery store
I went grocery shopping with both of the girls on Saturday.
Before you think too hard about what we've been eating for the past 6 weeks, you should know that I have been to the grocery store since Charlotte was born, but it's either been with only one of the girls or with another adult along for the ride. This trip was the first time I took both of them, by myself.
This is a big deal.
Right after Maddy was born, I was terrified of leaving the house. Seriously, I felt incapable of leaving. I didn't know how to handle her car seat with the shopping cart. I was terrified of her crying in public. What if she had a major blowout, or decided she wanted to eat 2 hours ahead of schedule? I honestly felt like I had forgotten how to go grocery shopping. It was awful.
I don't really remember getting a specific kick in the pants (other than the realization that I would have to leave the house sometime), but I do remember that it was very much a just-grit-your-teeth-and-do-it kind of thing. It had to happen. I had to do it. So I did it. Maddy and I became quick shopping buddies, and I was proud of myself for doing something I had been totally afraid of. Go, me!
And then Charly came.
I can't tell you guys how good I felt during our first few days home. Seriously. I felt much more in control than I did right after bringing Maddy home. She was a good baby. I'd done this before, and I felt like I could handle it (especially since I was done with school). I was in good spirits, even while running on little sleep and constantly sore from nursing issues. In general, I was recovering beautifully. Life was good.
And so it was, that when my mom mentioned that she was taking my little sister out shopping for school clothes, I asked if I could tag along. After all, I needed to get out of the house, and even though I was a bit nervous about doing so (DOUBLE STROLLER?!), I had learned from last time that I just needed to grit my teeth and do it. Right?
Well, my friends, I can tell you that from the second I walked through the doors at the mall, I knew I'd made a mistake. There were so many people. So much noise. And I swear, Charly shrunk to about half of her (already very small) size. She was so new! What the heck was I thinking, taking this brand new baby out shopping?!
I forced myself to stay for maybe an hour. I weaved the stroller through the crowds and half-heartedly browsed through the racks, feeling absolutely suffocated by even the music in the stores. Something was going to happen. Someone was going to steal my baby. Or touch my baby. Or steal my toddler. The pumped milk I had brought for Charly was going to spill and soak everything in the diaper bag. And then Charly would get hungry. And she would start screaming. And Maddy would get lost. And did I still have my wallet? And the MUSIC WOULD JUST KEEP POUNDING IN MY EARS - FOR GOODNESS' SAKE TURN OFF THE DANG MUSIC!
Yeah, pretty sure that was an anxiety attack right there.
I burst into tears the moment the car door shut. I spent the drive home feeling sorry for myself, convinced that I would never be able to leave the house again because I just couldn't handle it. Apparently I wasn't good/strong/smart/capable enough to go anywhere with two children. I felt totally defeated.
Sure, I bounced back - told myself that I just needed a little more time. So, I gave myself a little more time, and I tried again. And I ended up feeling defeated again. I tried again. Defeat. I kept trying, and I kept getting shot down. It wasn't good for my mood, I can tell you that. Especially when mixed with all those postpartum hormones that are so amazing.
You're probably expecting me to now share with you the "breakthrough" moment - that one day when I took the girls with me to run errands and realized that I could do this, that I am a perfectly capable mother of two. Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have that story yet. Believe me, I wish I did.
What I do have is the story of my first trip to the grocery store with my two girls, a full 6 weeks into being a mother of two. It's the story of an essential trip to Walmart with no way around going by myself and taking both of them. Our list was all of 10 items long, which was good because with the baby in her carrier in the basket, there wasn't room for much else. I brought along a sandwich baggie full of marshmallows to bribe Maddy to sit in the shopping cart seat. We visited the fish tanks and Maddy counted them while I tried to not look at the nasty things. I didn't think about what else I might need; I just stuck to my list (I'm usually pretty bad at doing that). When the line at the deli counter was long, I just bought the packaged sliced cheese they had in the cooler, even though it was a little more expensive. I let Maddy help me swipe my debit card and let her push the green button after I entered my PIN. I forgot to price match my milk.
And I sang along to the radio on the way home. I see that as progress.
Before you think too hard about what we've been eating for the past 6 weeks, you should know that I have been to the grocery store since Charlotte was born, but it's either been with only one of the girls or with another adult along for the ride. This trip was the first time I took both of them, by myself.
This is a big deal.
Right after Maddy was born, I was terrified of leaving the house. Seriously, I felt incapable of leaving. I didn't know how to handle her car seat with the shopping cart. I was terrified of her crying in public. What if she had a major blowout, or decided she wanted to eat 2 hours ahead of schedule? I honestly felt like I had forgotten how to go grocery shopping. It was awful.
I don't really remember getting a specific kick in the pants (other than the realization that I would have to leave the house sometime), but I do remember that it was very much a just-grit-your-teeth-and-do-it kind of thing. It had to happen. I had to do it. So I did it. Maddy and I became quick shopping buddies, and I was proud of myself for doing something I had been totally afraid of. Go, me!
And then Charly came.
I can't tell you guys how good I felt during our first few days home. Seriously. I felt much more in control than I did right after bringing Maddy home. She was a good baby. I'd done this before, and I felt like I could handle it (especially since I was done with school). I was in good spirits, even while running on little sleep and constantly sore from nursing issues. In general, I was recovering beautifully. Life was good.
And so it was, that when my mom mentioned that she was taking my little sister out shopping for school clothes, I asked if I could tag along. After all, I needed to get out of the house, and even though I was a bit nervous about doing so (DOUBLE STROLLER?!), I had learned from last time that I just needed to grit my teeth and do it. Right?
Well, my friends, I can tell you that from the second I walked through the doors at the mall, I knew I'd made a mistake. There were so many people. So much noise. And I swear, Charly shrunk to about half of her (already very small) size. She was so new! What the heck was I thinking, taking this brand new baby out shopping?!
I forced myself to stay for maybe an hour. I weaved the stroller through the crowds and half-heartedly browsed through the racks, feeling absolutely suffocated by even the music in the stores. Something was going to happen. Someone was going to steal my baby. Or touch my baby. Or steal my toddler. The pumped milk I had brought for Charly was going to spill and soak everything in the diaper bag. And then Charly would get hungry. And she would start screaming. And Maddy would get lost. And did I still have my wallet? And the MUSIC WOULD JUST KEEP POUNDING IN MY EARS - FOR GOODNESS' SAKE TURN OFF THE DANG MUSIC!
Yeah, pretty sure that was an anxiety attack right there.
I burst into tears the moment the car door shut. I spent the drive home feeling sorry for myself, convinced that I would never be able to leave the house again because I just couldn't handle it. Apparently I wasn't good/strong/smart/capable enough to go anywhere with two children. I felt totally defeated.
Sure, I bounced back - told myself that I just needed a little more time. So, I gave myself a little more time, and I tried again. And I ended up feeling defeated again. I tried again. Defeat. I kept trying, and I kept getting shot down. It wasn't good for my mood, I can tell you that. Especially when mixed with all those postpartum hormones that are so amazing.
You're probably expecting me to now share with you the "breakthrough" moment - that one day when I took the girls with me to run errands and realized that I could do this, that I am a perfectly capable mother of two. Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have that story yet. Believe me, I wish I did.
What I do have is the story of my first trip to the grocery store with my two girls, a full 6 weeks into being a mother of two. It's the story of an essential trip to Walmart with no way around going by myself and taking both of them. Our list was all of 10 items long, which was good because with the baby in her carrier in the basket, there wasn't room for much else. I brought along a sandwich baggie full of marshmallows to bribe Maddy to sit in the shopping cart seat. We visited the fish tanks and Maddy counted them while I tried to not look at the nasty things. I didn't think about what else I might need; I just stuck to my list (I'm usually pretty bad at doing that). When the line at the deli counter was long, I just bought the packaged sliced cheese they had in the cooler, even though it was a little more expensive. I let Maddy help me swipe my debit card and let her push the green button after I entered my PIN. I forgot to price match my milk.
And I sang along to the radio on the way home. I see that as progress.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It's that time of year
Yes, my friends. It is upon us once again - college football season.
While many wives bemoan this season and what it means for their TVs/Saturday nights/marriages, I am not among them. And while Dallin is pretty into football now, he wouldn't have said as much before we were married. Just sayin.
Anyways, I've been going to ASU football games for...a long time. Pretty much my whole life. And I love it. Seriously, the energy at a good game is just unbeatable.
While our season opener last week against UC Davis was great and all (a win is a win!), this week's game against Missouri was possibly one of the best home games I've ever been to. A huge, loud crowd, all decked out in black to celebrate the emergence of the Devils' new black uniforms. An important game against a ranked team. A decent chance at success without anything being guaranteed.
I tell you, it was intense. We made some stupid mistakes, got lucky a few times, and ended up in overtime. I hate overtime. It's too much for my little heart to handle. And I was sure we were done for. But oh my heck, we pulled it off. And I'm so, so glad. We just might have a good year this year.
And Maddy is quite the little Devils fan, too! She wasn't sure about the loudness of this black out game, but eventually got used to it and joined in with yells of "C'mon!" and "Go!" She also tried to make the little pitchfork sign with her hand (she failed miserably, but it was awesome to watch), and danced to the marching band music. It was a ton of fun.
Maddy and Mama at the black out (not shown: our black painted toenails)
Go Devils!
Well, here's to a new season! May it be better than the last...and the one before that.
While many wives bemoan this season and what it means for their TVs/Saturday nights/marriages, I am not among them. And while Dallin is pretty into football now, he wouldn't have said as much before we were married. Just sayin.
Anyways, I've been going to ASU football games for...a long time. Pretty much my whole life. And I love it. Seriously, the energy at a good game is just unbeatable.
While our season opener last week against UC Davis was great and all (a win is a win!), this week's game against Missouri was possibly one of the best home games I've ever been to. A huge, loud crowd, all decked out in black to celebrate the emergence of the Devils' new black uniforms. An important game against a ranked team. A decent chance at success without anything being guaranteed.
I tell you, it was intense. We made some stupid mistakes, got lucky a few times, and ended up in overtime. I hate overtime. It's too much for my little heart to handle. And I was sure we were done for. But oh my heck, we pulled it off. And I'm so, so glad. We just might have a good year this year.
And Maddy is quite the little Devils fan, too! She wasn't sure about the loudness of this black out game, but eventually got used to it and joined in with yells of "C'mon!" and "Go!" She also tried to make the little pitchfork sign with her hand (she failed miserably, but it was awesome to watch), and danced to the marching band music. It was a ton of fun.
Compare the crowds (game 1 to game 2):
Maddy enjoying the game:
Maddy enjoying the game:
Maddy and Mama at the black out (not shown: our black painted toenails)
Go Devils!
Well, here's to a new season! May it be better than the last...and the one before that.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Do yourself a favor
If you are a fan of happiness, and one of your definitions of happiness is the same as one of my definitions of happiness (aka chocolate+carmel+ice cream), then this is your lucky day. Behold:
Sorry for the crappy picture, but I couldn't take my own decent picture of my carton of this stuff because it's long gone - scraped clean and in the trash.
You.guys. This stuff is BOMB. Listen to the description: "Rich, creamy chocolate ice cream paired with dulce de leche gelato and sensational salty caramel truffles. Ah, sweet, salty surrender."
Indeed. Let us point out the highlights: Chocolate. Ice cream. Dulce de leche. Gelato. Salty caramel. Truffles. And this description omits the fact that the whole thing is nestled beneath a layer of delectable chocolate ganache (as are all Dove ice creams).
If I have to tell you that it's incredible, you obviously can't read. Which, hello, makes no sense. So I obviously don't have to tell you that it's incredible.
The salty caramel truffles are the best part. Seriously. Amazetastic.
So, I guess the whole point of this post is to tell you that if you like chocolate, and caramel truffles, and dulce de leche, and ice cream, and smiling, this is the ice cream for you.
Thank you, that is all.
Wait, no it's not! Also, Phish Food is still completely wonderful. As is Dreyer's mint chocolate chip. Just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm not totally abandoning other ice creams. For some reason, that seemed really important just now.
Ok, that's all.
Dove Chocolate Dulce de Leche ice cream
Sorry for the crappy picture, but I couldn't take my own decent picture of my carton of this stuff because it's long gone - scraped clean and in the trash.
You.guys. This stuff is BOMB. Listen to the description: "Rich, creamy chocolate ice cream paired with dulce de leche gelato and sensational salty caramel truffles. Ah, sweet, salty surrender."
Indeed. Let us point out the highlights: Chocolate. Ice cream. Dulce de leche. Gelato. Salty caramel. Truffles. And this description omits the fact that the whole thing is nestled beneath a layer of delectable chocolate ganache (as are all Dove ice creams).
If I have to tell you that it's incredible, you obviously can't read. Which, hello, makes no sense. So I obviously don't have to tell you that it's incredible.
The salty caramel truffles are the best part. Seriously. Amazetastic.
So, I guess the whole point of this post is to tell you that if you like chocolate, and caramel truffles, and dulce de leche, and ice cream, and smiling, this is the ice cream for you.
Thank you, that is all.
Wait, no it's not! Also, Phish Food is still completely wonderful. As is Dreyer's mint chocolate chip. Just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm not totally abandoning other ice creams. For some reason, that seemed really important just now.
Ok, that's all.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Deep questions
The following questions have initiated actual discussions in the Harris household lately:
How did Mother Gothel learn the song to sing to the magic flower?
Would Rapunzel have lived forever if Eugene hadn't cut her hair?
And will her hair ever grow again?
AND are the rest of her tears magic, or was that just a one time thing?
And will her hair ever grow again?
AND are the rest of her tears magic, or was that just a one time thing?
Do mermaids have gills..or lungs? Or...BOTH?!
Don't all the people that were on the wedding boat now know about the existence of mer-people?
Can you guess what movies Maddy has been loving lately? (That isn't one of the questions that we've talked about...it's a question I'm asking you.)
She's also been into "Lady and the Tramp," but apparently that one is normal enough that the only question we've had about that one is what year it happens in. We decided early 1900s, which Wikipedia confirms. 1909.
Maybe we need to watch the news more.
Also, feel free to weigh in on any of the above questions. Any and all opinions are welcome.
Don't all the people that were on the wedding boat now know about the existence of mer-people?
Can you guess what movies Maddy has been loving lately? (That isn't one of the questions that we've talked about...it's a question I'm asking you.)
She's also been into "Lady and the Tramp," but apparently that one is normal enough that the only question we've had about that one is what year it happens in. We decided early 1900s, which Wikipedia confirms. 1909.
Maybe we need to watch the news more.
Also, feel free to weigh in on any of the above questions. Any and all opinions are welcome.
Friday, September 2, 2011
35 Things: August Update
The month of August was largely devoted to making an attempt to accustomize myself to having two children. More on that later. That is, however, my excuse for only blogging twice during the whole month, as well as for once again having a fairly lame report on my 35 things. But hey, here's a quick update for ya.
7. Create a meal plan - at least once a week every month: I did this. We didn't follow the plan...but I made the plan and shopped for it. It's amazing though, how things can "come up" that ruin your dinner plans. Bother.
12. Bake a new cookie every month: This month's goodness - S'mores cookies. Recipe found here. I'd been seeing a lot of s'mores type things around, and it totally made me crave them. So I found this recipe, which is basically a yummy chocolate chip and marshmallow cookie baked on top of a graham cracker. And holy crap (pardon my French) they were yummy. But make sure you eat them all on the same day; the graham cracker gets soggy overnight.
35. Complete an act of service every month: I feel like I was served a lot more than I served this month, but I squeezed in a good deed for someone else. Yay me.
And that's it. No books. NO BOOKS, people! I finally started reading again towards the end of the month, but I didn't finish anything. And the nursery...ugh, if you only knew how close it was, you'd probably just tell me to count it as finished. But I won't. It must be 100% dunzo. I tried to make something to hang over the crib and it didn't work out. At all. So I'm blaming that on it not being done yet. But I promise you guys will get a post on that room when I finish.
Happy September! Here's to a month full of blog posts, eh, Pacha?
7. Create a meal plan - at least once a week every month: I did this. We didn't follow the plan...but I made the plan and shopped for it. It's amazing though, how things can "come up" that ruin your dinner plans. Bother.
12. Bake a new cookie every month: This month's goodness - S'mores cookies. Recipe found here. I'd been seeing a lot of s'mores type things around, and it totally made me crave them. So I found this recipe, which is basically a yummy chocolate chip and marshmallow cookie baked on top of a graham cracker. And holy crap (pardon my French) they were yummy. But make sure you eat them all on the same day; the graham cracker gets soggy overnight.
35. Complete an act of service every month: I feel like I was served a lot more than I served this month, but I squeezed in a good deed for someone else. Yay me.
And that's it. No books. NO BOOKS, people! I finally started reading again towards the end of the month, but I didn't finish anything. And the nursery...ugh, if you only knew how close it was, you'd probably just tell me to count it as finished. But I won't. It must be 100% dunzo. I tried to make something to hang over the crib and it didn't work out. At all. So I'm blaming that on it not being done yet. But I promise you guys will get a post on that room when I finish.
Happy September! Here's to a month full of blog posts, eh, Pacha?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The birth story.
Here we go. The story to which you already know the ending, but for whatever reason, you still want to read, and I still want to write. Enjoy.
Getting there
So, you may or may not know that I'd been having contractions for a while. And I'm pretty sure you know that I was dilated to a 3 for a few weeks. That makes for some uncomfortable time in a preschool classroom, I can tell you. There were a few times when I timed contractions. This succeeded in freaking out my mentor teacher, who doesn't have any kids. I think she thinks that going into labor is like it is in the movies. Like "Holy crap I'm in labor I need to go to the hospital now or the baby's going to pop out on the floor! Somebody do something!" I tried to explain to her that I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be like that...but I don't think she believed me.
So anyway, contractions had been happening. And they continued to happen on Saturday, July 30. Maddy was with my mom up at my Grandma's cabin, so I was seriously taking advantage of the school-free, Maddy-free time to do some nesting and baby shopping. We bought our double stroller and hung stuff in the nursery. I went shopping and finally got the girls the matching dresses that I had had my eye on for a while. I cleaned the house, which was WONDERFUL. I was basically amazed at how much I got done.
And then, that evening we started timing contractions in earnest. And I had a few contractions that hurt just a little more than previous ones. And we decided to go for a walk. A storm was coming in, so it wasn't especially hot or anything, which was nice. We didn't walk for too long, because my mom had gotten back into town so we needed to go pick up Maddy. But we walked, and we timed. The contractions didn't stop after we got home and got in the car.
**Side note: Dallin grabbed the hospital bag before we left to pick up Maddy. I think he was really ready to have the baby that weekend. Side note over.***
And they continued at my parents' house. Pretty much everyone said we should go to the hospital. I resisted. It was still July! My baby wasn't due until August. Yes, it was only a week before her due date...but it still felt like a big difference. There was no way it could be time already, right?
Well, Dallin and I went for another walk and I gave in. Sure, we could go to the hospital. I wasn't afraid of getting sent home...I was afraid of them admitting me if it wasn't really time. And honestly, I still feel like I could have waited. I really do. But I didn't wait. I kissed Maddy goodbye, trying not to cry too much. And we left.
We got there about 9:30 at night, and sat down with a fairly cranky lady to give her all my info. Then we headed back to triage. A nurse with an Australian (?) accent gave me a gown to change into. Dallin had some issues tying the gown up for me and was still trying to figure it out when the nurse came back in. I must have looked pretty awful or something because she told him to not worry about it - I needed to get on that bed.
So I did, and when all was hooked up and examined and so on, it was determined that I was dilated to a 5. Aussie said that alone was pretty much an admission ticket, but they would monitor my contractions for 20 minutes or so to make sure they were regular before making anything official.
Dallin and I passed the time by talking about how our baby was going to be born on Harry Potter's birthday, as well as using Dallin's phone to listen to possible labor/birth songs. (**Side note: We didn't actually want/have any labor/birth songs. Side note over**) Dallin suggested "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy," but then decided "What Hurts the Most" was more appropriate. My man can make me laugh even when I'm in labor.
Being there
Well, needless to say, I was admitted. We were escorted to the labor and delivery room where we met our nurse for the evening. We did some more paperwork and got me hooked up to an IV. I hate IVs. Seriously, I think getting that thing was more painful than my contractions were.
Then the epidural man came in. He was a nurse anesthetist, rather than an anesthesiologist, which apparently freaked Dallin out, although I didn't find that out until later. I didn't really think much of it at the time. I asked him if I should wait until my contractions actually became painful to get the epidural, and he said there was no reason to.
And thus began the worst part of the evening.
I was freezing from the IV. I was anxious about getting the epidural (there was no way it could go as well as it did with Maddy). The combo of the two sent me into a full fit of the shivers, and for whatever reason, I couldn't have a blanket until the epidural was in. (Questionable?) So anyway, I was miserable.
I knew how the process was supposed to go. Small prick, weird numb feeling, lots of pressure. It seemed like last time, this all happened pretty quickly. This time, there was the small prick, but then we had to wait for that to take effect. And then, when he was giving the second shot, he told me to let him know if I felt any pain. Well, it didn't hurt, really, but I definitely felt the prick of the second needle. Which FREAKED me out because I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to feel anything but that weird pressure.
Because of the freak-out-ness, the rest of the process was a bit of a blur. They might have stuck me again with more numbing medicine, or just waited longer for the first shot to take effect. I think they gave me more, but I honestly can't remember. I just remember shivering. And I remember the nurse having to get Dallin a chair, which he probably doesn't want me to tell you. But I want to tell you because for some reason, the thought of my sweet husband going pale with worry about me makes my eyes all watery.
Once the epidural nightmare was over, I got a warm blanket (seriously, that was all I wanted in the world at that point), and the nurse helped me roll on my side so I could get some sleep. I tried to get Dallin to go get some food, since he hadn't eaten that night, but he wouldn't. He just stayed with me and slept, too. The nurse came in to roll me over every hour, which makes for not the best sleep. My mom got to the hospital around 1:30 am, and I don't think she slept for the rest of the night. She's kind of awesome.
Well, by 6:30 or so in the morning, I hadn't progressed. I was maybe almost a 6. Lame. I had been given some pitocin and it hadn't helped. Super lame. But THEN, my doctor got there at about 7:15, and he broke my water. This is where it started to get exciting.
The main event
So the water was broken, and everyone figured this was going to get things moving. But I, for one, was definitely not ready for just how fast it would go. The very next contraction I felt felt much stronger. And yes, I could still feel my contractions through the epidural, which I thought was a good thing. The nurses kept saying I could up the medicine amount so I wouldn't feel them at all, but I really didn't want to do that. I liked that I could feel them happening without being in pain.
By 7:45. I knew this baby was coming.
My little sister wanted to be there when the baby was born, which I was cool with, so Dallin texted her. The room was prepped. I was checked again 10 minutes later, and the doctor said something like "This isn't going to take long at all."
Enter all the insecurities.
So, let's just say my sister didn't make it (sorry, Sarah). Three big pushes, a few little pushes, and whaddaya know, there was Charly. 8:05 am.
It really was a precious moment. Of course, her full head of hair was pointed out right away. I remember thinking it took her a little too long to cry, but of course it really didn't. I also remember thinking that she was so big. I had thought she would be bigger than Maddy, but not by a whole pound!
When she was wiped off and handed to me, I just looked at her and sobbed, and was so glad that I finally understood how I could possibly love another little girl so, so much.
The after party
First of all, and just FYI, our "friend" the cyst came out with the placenta, as planned. And let me just say - ew. Moving on...
Charly girl was weighed and measured and declared perfect. My sister and her husband got there. I was returned to a more comfortable position and allowed to hold my baby girl properly.
The next few hours were lovely, filled with visits from family and such. Maddy was pretty indifferent towards the baby, which I decided was better than automatic resentment. Dallin gave me the "2 peas in a pod" necklace I wanted. It's totally adorable - the necklace and his thoughtfulness.
We stayed in the hospital for just one night. We could have stayed another, I suppose, but I was ready to go home; I was going a little stir crazy in the hospital. So we were home Monday night. My mom stayed with us for the next few nights, staying up with the baby and only waking me up if Charly needed to eat. She also took Maddy during the day so I could rest. I mentioned that my mom is awesome, right?
Life, so far
So far, Charlotte is a great baby. She sleeps a lot, which makes those times when she's awake and looking around that much more precious. I'm pretty positive her eyes are going to be blue. It's taken some time for us to get used to nursing, and we've already had some (painful) issues in that department, but we are getting the hang of things and the past couple days have been especially promising.
Her hair is incredible. My sister's sister-in-law took some newborn pictures of her, and you can see the highlights in it (click here). Apparently, Dallin had hair like that as a newborn, too. I guess she's already a daddy's girl. She has such a pretty face - she almost doesn't look like a newborn. She likes to be held, but is also pretty content to lay on a blanket and chill.
Maddy's adjusting pretty well. She's a little more clingy than she used to be, but she's nice to the baby and likes to watch her sleep. She also seems like a giant. I change her diaper or even just look at her hands and am blown away by her big-ness. I think she'll be a good big sister.
The end
Hey, we made it! I tried to keep things to a minimum for you, but my minimum is higher than most, so good for you for making it to the end.
We ended up with a lovely, healthy baby girl and I feel so insanely blessed. Life is beautiful.
Getting there
So, you may or may not know that I'd been having contractions for a while. And I'm pretty sure you know that I was dilated to a 3 for a few weeks. That makes for some uncomfortable time in a preschool classroom, I can tell you. There were a few times when I timed contractions. This succeeded in freaking out my mentor teacher, who doesn't have any kids. I think she thinks that going into labor is like it is in the movies. Like "Holy crap I'm in labor I need to go to the hospital now or the baby's going to pop out on the floor! Somebody do something!" I tried to explain to her that I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be like that...but I don't think she believed me.
So anyway, contractions had been happening. And they continued to happen on Saturday, July 30. Maddy was with my mom up at my Grandma's cabin, so I was seriously taking advantage of the school-free, Maddy-free time to do some nesting and baby shopping. We bought our double stroller and hung stuff in the nursery. I went shopping and finally got the girls the matching dresses that I had had my eye on for a while. I cleaned the house, which was WONDERFUL. I was basically amazed at how much I got done.
And then, that evening we started timing contractions in earnest. And I had a few contractions that hurt just a little more than previous ones. And we decided to go for a walk. A storm was coming in, so it wasn't especially hot or anything, which was nice. We didn't walk for too long, because my mom had gotten back into town so we needed to go pick up Maddy. But we walked, and we timed. The contractions didn't stop after we got home and got in the car.
**Side note: Dallin grabbed the hospital bag before we left to pick up Maddy. I think he was really ready to have the baby that weekend. Side note over.***
And they continued at my parents' house. Pretty much everyone said we should go to the hospital. I resisted. It was still July! My baby wasn't due until August. Yes, it was only a week before her due date...but it still felt like a big difference. There was no way it could be time already, right?
Well, Dallin and I went for another walk and I gave in. Sure, we could go to the hospital. I wasn't afraid of getting sent home...I was afraid of them admitting me if it wasn't really time. And honestly, I still feel like I could have waited. I really do. But I didn't wait. I kissed Maddy goodbye, trying not to cry too much. And we left.
We got there about 9:30 at night, and sat down with a fairly cranky lady to give her all my info. Then we headed back to triage. A nurse with an Australian (?) accent gave me a gown to change into. Dallin had some issues tying the gown up for me and was still trying to figure it out when the nurse came back in. I must have looked pretty awful or something because she told him to not worry about it - I needed to get on that bed.
So I did, and when all was hooked up and examined and so on, it was determined that I was dilated to a 5. Aussie said that alone was pretty much an admission ticket, but they would monitor my contractions for 20 minutes or so to make sure they were regular before making anything official.
Dallin and I passed the time by talking about how our baby was going to be born on Harry Potter's birthday, as well as using Dallin's phone to listen to possible labor/birth songs. (**Side note: We didn't actually want/have any labor/birth songs. Side note over**) Dallin suggested "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy," but then decided "What Hurts the Most" was more appropriate. My man can make me laugh even when I'm in labor.
Being there
Well, needless to say, I was admitted. We were escorted to the labor and delivery room where we met our nurse for the evening. We did some more paperwork and got me hooked up to an IV. I hate IVs. Seriously, I think getting that thing was more painful than my contractions were.
Then the epidural man came in. He was a nurse anesthetist, rather than an anesthesiologist, which apparently freaked Dallin out, although I didn't find that out until later. I didn't really think much of it at the time. I asked him if I should wait until my contractions actually became painful to get the epidural, and he said there was no reason to.
And thus began the worst part of the evening.
I was freezing from the IV. I was anxious about getting the epidural (there was no way it could go as well as it did with Maddy). The combo of the two sent me into a full fit of the shivers, and for whatever reason, I couldn't have a blanket until the epidural was in. (Questionable?) So anyway, I was miserable.
I knew how the process was supposed to go. Small prick, weird numb feeling, lots of pressure. It seemed like last time, this all happened pretty quickly. This time, there was the small prick, but then we had to wait for that to take effect. And then, when he was giving the second shot, he told me to let him know if I felt any pain. Well, it didn't hurt, really, but I definitely felt the prick of the second needle. Which FREAKED me out because I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to feel anything but that weird pressure.
Because of the freak-out-ness, the rest of the process was a bit of a blur. They might have stuck me again with more numbing medicine, or just waited longer for the first shot to take effect. I think they gave me more, but I honestly can't remember. I just remember shivering. And I remember the nurse having to get Dallin a chair, which he probably doesn't want me to tell you. But I want to tell you because for some reason, the thought of my sweet husband going pale with worry about me makes my eyes all watery.
Once the epidural nightmare was over, I got a warm blanket (seriously, that was all I wanted in the world at that point), and the nurse helped me roll on my side so I could get some sleep. I tried to get Dallin to go get some food, since he hadn't eaten that night, but he wouldn't. He just stayed with me and slept, too. The nurse came in to roll me over every hour, which makes for not the best sleep. My mom got to the hospital around 1:30 am, and I don't think she slept for the rest of the night. She's kind of awesome.
Well, by 6:30 or so in the morning, I hadn't progressed. I was maybe almost a 6. Lame. I had been given some pitocin and it hadn't helped. Super lame. But THEN, my doctor got there at about 7:15, and he broke my water. This is where it started to get exciting.
The main event
So the water was broken, and everyone figured this was going to get things moving. But I, for one, was definitely not ready for just how fast it would go. The very next contraction I felt felt much stronger. And yes, I could still feel my contractions through the epidural, which I thought was a good thing. The nurses kept saying I could up the medicine amount so I wouldn't feel them at all, but I really didn't want to do that. I liked that I could feel them happening without being in pain.
By 7:45. I knew this baby was coming.
My little sister wanted to be there when the baby was born, which I was cool with, so Dallin texted her. The room was prepped. I was checked again 10 minutes later, and the doctor said something like "This isn't going to take long at all."
Enter all the insecurities.
So, let's just say my sister didn't make it (sorry, Sarah). Three big pushes, a few little pushes, and whaddaya know, there was Charly. 8:05 am.
It really was a precious moment. Of course, her full head of hair was pointed out right away. I remember thinking it took her a little too long to cry, but of course it really didn't. I also remember thinking that she was so big. I had thought she would be bigger than Maddy, but not by a whole pound!
When she was wiped off and handed to me, I just looked at her and sobbed, and was so glad that I finally understood how I could possibly love another little girl so, so much.
The after party
First of all, and just FYI, our "friend" the cyst came out with the placenta, as planned. And let me just say - ew. Moving on...
Charly girl was weighed and measured and declared perfect. My sister and her husband got there. I was returned to a more comfortable position and allowed to hold my baby girl properly.
The next few hours were lovely, filled with visits from family and such. Maddy was pretty indifferent towards the baby, which I decided was better than automatic resentment. Dallin gave me the "2 peas in a pod" necklace I wanted. It's totally adorable - the necklace and his thoughtfulness.
We stayed in the hospital for just one night. We could have stayed another, I suppose, but I was ready to go home; I was going a little stir crazy in the hospital. So we were home Monday night. My mom stayed with us for the next few nights, staying up with the baby and only waking me up if Charly needed to eat. She also took Maddy during the day so I could rest. I mentioned that my mom is awesome, right?
Life, so far
So far, Charlotte is a great baby. She sleeps a lot, which makes those times when she's awake and looking around that much more precious. I'm pretty positive her eyes are going to be blue. It's taken some time for us to get used to nursing, and we've already had some (painful) issues in that department, but we are getting the hang of things and the past couple days have been especially promising.
Her hair is incredible. My sister's sister-in-law took some newborn pictures of her, and you can see the highlights in it (click here). Apparently, Dallin had hair like that as a newborn, too. I guess she's already a daddy's girl. She has such a pretty face - she almost doesn't look like a newborn. She likes to be held, but is also pretty content to lay on a blanket and chill.
Maddy's adjusting pretty well. She's a little more clingy than she used to be, but she's nice to the baby and likes to watch her sleep. She also seems like a giant. I change her diaper or even just look at her hands and am blown away by her big-ness. I think she'll be a good big sister.
The end
Hey, we made it! I tried to keep things to a minimum for you, but my minimum is higher than most, so good for you for making it to the end.
We ended up with a lovely, healthy baby girl and I feel so insanely blessed. Life is beautiful.
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